FINDERS KEEPERS

Well, this job is certainly much more difficult than I had imagined. When Isabel and I first found the job posting, it seemed like such a fun, easy job. And that really is what I was looking for: a fun and easy job. Oh of course I wanted a bit of prestige and glamour, too. Oddly, though, the newspaper world is just not as glamorous as I had imagined. Absolutely no one recognizes me as the advice columnist in the weekly, as I had hoped they would.

In fact, I was at a meeting just last week for my Women's Group, The Main Line Women's Club, and not one person there asked for my advice on anything. I offered it, my advice that is, several times and no one wanted anything of it. Finally, I confessed to Isabel, she was sitting just next to me sipping some white wine, anyway, I confessed to Isabel that I was quite shocked that none of the other Ladies actually wanted the professional advice that I was offering. Isabel said that since the column is called 'Ask Veronica', and I am Abigail, that many people might not know that I am the person who is actually writing the column, and helping all of these people with their problems. And that is when I decided to do it, make the announcement.

I waited until just the right moment. Just as Bitsy Finklestein was finishing her comments about this month's tea cup drive, I stood to announce my new found notoriety. No sooner did I stand when Constance Cortnoy, still seated no less, turned from her front row seat and loudly declared to everyone that she was hosting a fabulous tailgate party at the Malvern Races and invited us all to enjoy her hostessing. Obviously, that was quite ill timed, and I think, just not the proper way to make such an announcement. Had she asked for my professional advice I would have advised something more lady like, maybe some pretty invitation cards.

Anyway, I was not the only person at the Club that found her announcement a bit off putting, so to speak. Isabel told me the next day that she overheard Kate Dillworth and Iggy Braithwaite saying that they could not believe that Constance would choose such a bad time to host a party, what with her husband, Conroy, being so painfully out of work. I had not idea that Conroy was not working, though I suppose so many people have lost a job lately. Whats more, they said - Kate and Iggy that is - that Constance continues to spend like a Bandit. New jewelry, a vacation to St. Martin, and a new car. Well, people do need to get around, I agree. And, if Conroy is not working at the moment, then what a good time to get away from the office. But new jewelry in a time of recession is just bad form.

I felt so badly for Conroy, that I decided to approach Mr. Petigrew about the possibility of bringing Conroy on at the paper. I'm not sure exactly in what fashion, but Conroy always seemed to look very professional as he would walk down the street to the train station, on his way to a job somewhere in the city. Banking, I think. I thought that maybe he could run the finances of the Weekly. Anyway, just as I was walking towards him, Mr. Petigrew that is, he was overcome with a massive migraine headache and nearly knocked me over as he ran by me, into his office and slammed the door shut. This entire burglar episode seems to be giving him such a hard time.

Thankfully, my column this week was quite good.

Dear Veronica,
When I was in school, my friends all had nicer things than me and got all the attention. I've never forgiven them and have decided to show them that I am better than they are and have nicer things than they do. My husband keeps complaining and says that if we have nicer things that we should just enjoy them and not show them off. He's so whiny, what should I do?
Hi Time Hi Society.

Dear Hi,
I wouldn't show him off, someone else might take him.
Veronica